TIME TO RESET MY PRIORITIES

'" THE OLDER I GET,  THE MORE I REALISE THE VALUE OF PRIVACY,  OF CULTIVATING YOUR CIRCLE,  AND ONLY LETTING CERTAIN PEOPLE IN. YOU CAN BE OPEN, HONEST AND REAL, WHILE STILL UNDERSTANDING , NOT EVERYONE, DESERVES A SEAT AT THE TABLE OF YOUR LIFE."

The time to reset my priorities, has arrived, it  happened, on the night of 18th August 2018, when the call came, that I had to quit, what I was doing and get myself to the hospital.  The same pain, that I experienced on 13th March 2015, at Clariant Chemicals Navi Mumbai,  2nd July 2017, at St. Paul's Bandra,  surfaced again on Saturday 18th August,  2018, when I was compering the "Finals of the Singing Competition" at St. Pius school Hall, Mulund, Mumbai.

I am so  committed, when I take up an assignment, jeopardising my own life in the bargain.  Inspite of the pain, I never stop...I want to  finish what I am doing. And I did it again, this time...throwing caution to the winds, I finished the program, and then left..to get to the nearest hospital/doctor... God has been good to me, but I no longer can take my life, and Gods gift for granted.  I cannot let down the people who love me, my family members, my trainees,  my friends who have been with me for several years, , my well wishers, who love me...that NOW nothing else matters, except that I get back my health, and live my life only for ME and the people I love.

I think I have  done my bit, towards the Church, and the Archdiocese of Mumbai, I have been to every parish, from Colaba to Ambernth, giving sessions on fitness, on domestic violence etc.  I have participated in plays and dance programs...whenever I have been invited....I never thought, I was doing myself any harm, in "doing what I did", till the last warning that came on 18th August 2018, changed it all.

If only I had catalogued, the various activites I did, and trained and conducted, compered etc. I could have published a book by now.  But I did, it all for the love of what I was doing...The skits I have written, trained several parishioners of St. Pius Mulund, and put them on stage, not just in the parish, but on the big stage in parishes like Bandra Thane, Bhayandar, right from Colaba to Ambernath.  The fitness sessions that I have conducted in almost all parishes in Mumbai.

I have been an active women's activists, fighting for their rights, and counselling them, talking to them, taking them to police stations, getting them a lawyer etc.etc....Yes the life I have lived, has been exciting, exhilarating, and gave me a beautiful high.

My passion teaching women to exercise and keep their bodies fit....and mine too...the kind of exercises I have been teaching cannot be paralleled.  What I started teaching  in the 80"s in terms of teaching pilates, exercising using the MIND rather than just the body, is being taught now and is coming into fashion so to speak. To my trainees its nothing new.  Its just that I did not make a big hype. about it. 

So I am hanging my boots as far as , other extra activities that I used to organise, conduct, act,  participate, compering of programs etc are concerned. THESE  ARE ALL ON THE BACK BURNER,  DEPENDS ON HOW LONG.  I have received a final warning from my doctor...that I should not push my luck too far, and nor should I expect God to intervene every time.  And I will not do that anymore.  I love myself, I love my gift of life...and I am not going to jeopardise it for anyone .

So from now now, I will only conduct my "Fitness training classes" that I have been taking for more than 40 years now, and most of the trainees have been with me for years and years, they love me...I have some personal trainees too...who are on hold at the moment.  I love to train women, so in a while may be I will continue with the personal, will see how my body reacts.

I too need to continue exercising my own body, to get back the health I once enjoyed, not that I have lost it...at 71 years, what I am , I dont think any other person in my place would have ever enjoyed.  Which shows how kind and good my God has been to me...I took care of His temple, I cannot let Him down now....He lives in me and I want Him to continue living in me.

I am in the process of writing my book, will give it more time...but for now...I will take life a big easy...enjoy sitting among the onlookers.

And not to forget inspite of all that happened between 18th August to 26th August...with my health...I still ended up dressing up in the 70's outfit...for the best dressed lady competition at the parish HOMELAND fete on 26th August...and was awarded the BEST DRESSED LADY...so how does one say adieus...to all this fun and frolic and adulation?

  Life has been good... but I still have my bucket list to be fulfilled....I love dancing, and the first on the list, is to dance with a really smart well dressed man..with impeccable manners.at a beautiful place...I want to waltz across the floor..of a beautiful terrace, with the stars shining down..and there are some more on the list....Will keep you posted...till then....taking life easy...a



Josephine Fernandes.

LIFE HAS COME FULL CIRCLE - 8TH DECEMBER 2016

LIFE HAS COME FULL CIRCLE 

 God has been my creator, my partner in life. I thank God today, as I turn 70 and life has come full circle.

Surprised –YES, Disturbing – Somewhat, Excited - Very much, not knowing “what next” is invigorating.

The journey of my life has been very interesting, adventurous, steep climbs and deep inclines, ravines and valleys, violence to victory, poverty to riches & from nothing to everything - I have been there and done that.

Would I want to live that life again? Absolutely, it made me the strongest person, I ever knew myself to be.  The most frightened little girl that I was; grew up to become a strong woman of substance that I would never want to change for anything, or wish it were different.  That journey has made me what I am today.   I found my purpose in life and I needed these obstacles and problems, to chisel me and mould me as God wanted me to be, perfect in His way.

A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows that it is in the journey, where she will become strong. That’s exactly what happened to me.

As a little girl, struck with polio wearing those heavy steel boots, strapped to my thigh & dragging myself, was not what I wanted myself to be seen as or being teased as lame, langdi etc. It was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to stand tall, erect and look the world in the eye.  I was given a death sentence of being stuck in those boots for life. Apart from that many other life sentences were doled out to me but NO! Not me. That was not me.

As I grew up, life became a challenge at every step of the way and I fought to maintain my own dignity as a person and a woman.  Imagine challenging the society and the powers that be, to make everyone understand that each one of us is a piece of the DIVINE and have a right to live with dignity and self respect.  Just because I was a woman, in the eighties, it meant I had no rights as a person.  Nobody had to give me those rights; they are inherent rights of every person, whether male or female.

It was no easy task, to challenge the society, who till today, are intimidated by me but that did not stop me from becoming what I am today. Going out into the world, earning a living and making a life for myself and the responsibilities that I had to fulfill as a woman & a mother, irrespective of everything else.

I have travelled the world, worked with people from different nationalities, different countries wonderful people, who till today have remained my friends.  Because I touched them and made a difference, which was not my job, but in being that friend, it brought me close to them and it was me as a person who made a difference in their lives.

But behind all this was a dream; a dream to do something that was deep inside me, which settled deep in my heart, when I healed myself of polio and many other illnesses that came my way and ravaged my body, which made me realise how important “this body – the temple of God” is; the most perfect GIFT from God. 

Every step of my way, I had a dream.

I gave up a lucrative job, to do what I loved doing best, teaching women to stay fit and healthy and in turn giving them a piece of ME, giving them what they should be getting for themselves.

I am a single woman for as long as I can remember. I never felt alone or lonely or isolated. I have a fan following of young people and old people, I have friends who love me to bits, and I have people in my life, who love me for what I am.

I have never been dependent. I always strived to be self dependent, and stay that way, for as long as I can. And God has been good to me, for giving me talents, which I use for his greater glory, and his people.  When I stand before God, at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say “I used everything you gave me Lord”..

“It takes courage to dream, to face our futures and the limiting forces within us. It takes courage to be determined, as we slow down physically, we are going to grow even more psychologically and spiritually. Courage, the philosopher Aristotle taught us, is the most important of all the virtues, because without it we can’t practice any of the others.

 Courage is the nearest star that can guide our growth. Maya Angelou said we must be courageous about facing and exploring our personal histories. We must find the courage to care and to create internally, as well as externally, and as she said, we need the courage “to create ourselves daily as Christians,”

And today I can proudly say, that I AM WHAT GOD INTENDED ME TO BE….HIS PERFECT, TALENTED, INSPIRING, OUT REACHING WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE.  HIS CREATION.

LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH

You might call it the Victorian age, where little children besides the 3R’s were taught, the little things of life that matter much.  Discipline and manners. Much was expected from us, and we gave back in equal measure.

As a little child, I was brought up not on dollops of ice cream, but on dollops of “obey your parents, respect your elders, greet the hour, at whatever hour, or whoever you meet”.   As a girl, I had to walk straight, sit like a lady, with my legs crossed at the ankles, dressed in clothes, that were decent and sober, all that needed to be covered,  had to be covered, including the knees. If I did not walk straight, I was asked to place a book on my head, and practice walking straight. All these were taught by our parents, and our teachers as well.

‘Please. Excuse me, sorry, thank you” could never be forgotten. I was told that if I opened the door, I had to close it, if I pulled a chair, I had to push it back, if I removed something from a shelf, I had to keep it back, exactly from where I had removed it. I was taught to dress in formal clothing, for Mass, weddings and funerals. Special clothing was kept, only for these occasions, no matter how poor we were. Praying on waking up, before meals, after meals and at bed time, had to be strictly adhered to. Neatness, cleanliness and hygiene they said was next to Godliness. THE family prayers and the family meals together, were never to be missed, unless of course it was a matter of life and death.

These were the times, when etiquette was given the highest priority.  Speak with your voice lowered, don’t order, request. These were also the times, when we had to learn cursive writing from Copy Writing books called “Vera Copy Writing books”. Every page had a proverb like “LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP’, ‘A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE”, “and BETTER LATE THAN NEVER’ETC.  We not only grew up on these proverbs, but we lived them.

Our teachers were our role models, and they behaved like one. They were exemplary in their teachings as well as their expectations of us. They expected much, and we gave them as much. Our parents and teachers were strict disciplinarians, we feared them, not out of fear, but out of respect.  All this and more that they instilled in us, might sound ridiculous in the present times, but it taught us, that everything we   did mattered.  I have carried that thought into adulthood, and whatever I do, I do it well, And I still live those lessons of life, and try to instill them in whoever is interested in those “little things that matter much”.

Our parents never expected us to bring home that number called “100 percent”, but they expected us to be good human beings.  Today the teachers and parents, expect their children to bring home that number, and nothing more. In the class teachers leave everything to the parents, while the parents give their children a license to do nearly anything, anytime without regard to anyone else, and we call this civilization.  It isn’t.

There was nothing our parents could not make us do, but today, every parent laments “we just can’t get him/her to do, what we want them to do”. Today it is not the parents who are in charge; it’s the children who are in charge. Parents fear them. The children today are prisoners of horrible behavior, which is more emotionally confining, than simple kindly behavior. In reality when parents are not in charge, and have only academic expectations, and nothing else, children suffer.

In the classroom the expectations move from the teachers to the parents. Teachers are supposed to back up parents who are lax in their behavior. But the times have changed, the parents expect the teachers to do their jobs, and the teachers expect the parents to do their jobs. Each one blaming the other, for the lack of interest not only in their jobs, but in the children, who are in their care, at that particular point of time.  Teachers in my times were tough, caring, and intelligent and filled with the spirit of teaching the kids, in their care.  Today I salute my teachers, and my parents, some of whom are no more, because they were the ones who instilled in me, the ethics, moral values and discipline, which has made me what I am today.

It starts at birth in the home, when parents should expect the best from their infants and toddlers. On the contrary most parents say “Oh, he is too little to understand anything”. Children are never little, they are already born with a mind of their own, and all they need is a little discipline to keep them on track.

 By 3^rd and preschool years, a child’s behaviour should be under control. He should have learned the hard lesson, how to obey and listen.  By 5 a child should be able to conduct himself like a gentleman, and turn his listening skills into learning.

Discipline today is as important now as much as it did in my times.  Then, as now, it should be a normal daily matter of attention to detail, and a conversion of manners, which means a gently turning toward the best we can be, from the inside out. Expect great things from your child, demand the world, and he will give it to you.

Expect nothing, and he will give you nothing, and that will be his also.  I was always told, “LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH”.

I taught this to my children, and now to my grandchildren...LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH.

BE YOU

Life is not always so simple. Nor is it complicated, but we make it so. However, the experiences of your present life, should be used to prepare yourself for an unknown future. That is exactly what I did.

Sometimes we grow up to be our parents. All parents are good, and they teach us, what their parents had taught them. But as we grow up, we should learn to change our mindset to live in the present times, and not in our parents generation.  My growing up was not what the present generation is enjoying. As the oldest daughter in the family, I had to be a role model for my siblings.  Which meant there were too many 'DONT'S" rather than "DOS". I was not allowed to go and play with other children, because my parents believed that daughters ought to help the mother in the housework.   Preparing the daughters to be good wives and daughter in laws. They should be seen and not heard, so no speaking your mind. They should not be fashionably dressed. I had long lovely hair, which I was not allowed to leave falling like a veil on my back, they had to be tied into a bun or plait.  No talking and playing with boys. It was a very depressing childhood. However, the saving grace was the love of reading.

My father loved reading, and so he imbibed the love of reading in me.  He would get me every kind of books, from classics to novels to autobiographies etc. I devoured these books like a hungry person, thirsting for knowledge.  I lived my life through the books I read. My mother was not so pleased with this preoccupation with books-past time as she would call it.

Time passed, I grew up, situations changed...and life dealt me a blow. Do I give in or do I use the situation to change my own destiny.  Sometimes, situations arise in our lives, and we wonder, "Why Me"..who knows, they might be put there to change you, to mould you, to make you realise, that there is a world out there, waiting for you to discover.  And I definitely, did not want to go along the situations, that were taking place in my life...I wanted to be what I wanted to be...and not what somebody else wanted out of me.  Even if it was my parents or the man I married.

And so,I refrained from being manipulated...made a way for myself...and made a success of my life.

"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."— Mae C. Jemison, first African-American woman astronaut.

I had made up my mind , that my life would be what I wanted it to be.  My life my choice....
Josephine - www.jos-axe-asize@blogspot.com

The Power of the mind

"I have learned over the years,that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear, knowing what must be done, does away with fear." ROSA PARKS.

I am sure all of us at some point of time in our lives, have had to be like Rosa Parks, fight for ones rights. This is  my first blog, and I would like to start by writing something about myself, before I go on to the title of my blog. Jos-Axe-a-size.

Are you wondering why I used the quote by Rosa Parks, and why the title "The Power of the Mind". As a little girl, I was the most scared person, one would ever have known.  Scared of people, insects, scared to cross the road, or even walk over a bridge, with the train running under it. I was scared to speak, scared to ask for something to eat, if ever I was hungry.  Scared of the whole wide world.
My best friends were my books, and I could devour them like a hungry person, I can proudly call myself as "WELL READ" even today, I have loads of books in my house, and I keep buying and reading as much as I can.

However, very early in life I leared that somehow I had to get over this fear. I had to become strong in mind and spirit.

At the age of 7, I was diagnosed with polio in my right leg.  This was in the early fifties, a time when polio vaccine was not discovered, and so the only remedy was wearing braces, with iron rods attached to a boot and strapped with a huge leather belt on my thigh. The boot weighed a ton, I had to actually drag my leg in order to lift it.  I was told that I would never be able to walk, run dance and do the things that normal children do. and that these boots would be my life long companion. And in order to balance my body, another heavy boot had to be worn on the other foot, but without braces.

I would limp all the way to school, and I became the laughing stock of all my friends and others.  They called me "langdi".  I could not bear the taunting and the teasing. I always came home crying out of self pity. One year down the line, I stopped wearing the boots. My parents were livid with rage...but something inside me whispered that I could heal myself of polio.  I needed my leg to be a part of me, and not just an appendage, lifeless and limp.

From then on all I did was nurture my leg, everyday at bathtime.  I would massage the leg, speak with it, and will it come alive.  I would speak words such as" You are a part of me, and without you I am incomplete" " I need you, you have to come alive, to make me whole. " The first few months, nothing happened, but six months later, I could feel the shape of my leg changing, it used to be misshapen and lifeless, now,  I could touch it to the ground, which earlier it was impossible. Slowly and surely, a year later, my leg had regained its normal shape. I could touch it to the ground, I could walk without a limp. I could wear the bathroom chappals with two straps, where earlier, I could not push my foot into any shoes, or slippers, with ease. I was so happy.

I still had a limp, but I began to teach myself, how to walk like a lady, straight, one foot in front of the other.  surely and certainly a few months down the line, and I was able to walk without a limp.  My dream of a complete body, happened.

The next check up with the doctor showed that I had no polio absolutely.  It was the happiest moment of my life.  I had won my first battle with the power of my  mind. I had made a choice, and I stuck to that choice of giving up wearing the boots. This  proved the doctor wrong.  Today I am a fitness professional, teaching fitness for 6/7 hours at a stretch. I can jump, dance, run, teach kick boxing etc.

I believe that life is sacred, and it is very important to live a life of our choice, and never to take life for granted even for a moment.  Living the good life is living the life of moral excellence that leads to happiness. There is always good in a bad situation, we can  train our minds to see the good, and to do good in the darkest moments of our lives. It is such experiences that make us better human beings, and make us more receptive, towards the pain of another person.  Jomarie

There is more to me...in my next blog...