LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH

You might call it the Victorian age, where little children besides the 3R’s were taught, the little things of life that matter much.  Discipline and manners. Much was expected from us, and we gave back in equal measure.

As a little child, I was brought up not on dollops of ice cream, but on dollops of “obey your parents, respect your elders, greet the hour, at whatever hour, or whoever you meet”.   As a girl, I had to walk straight, sit like a lady, with my legs crossed at the ankles, dressed in clothes, that were decent and sober, all that needed to be covered,  had to be covered, including the knees. If I did not walk straight, I was asked to place a book on my head, and practice walking straight. All these were taught by our parents, and our teachers as well.

‘Please. Excuse me, sorry, thank you” could never be forgotten. I was told that if I opened the door, I had to close it, if I pulled a chair, I had to push it back, if I removed something from a shelf, I had to keep it back, exactly from where I had removed it. I was taught to dress in formal clothing, for Mass, weddings and funerals. Special clothing was kept, only for these occasions, no matter how poor we were. Praying on waking up, before meals, after meals and at bed time, had to be strictly adhered to. Neatness, cleanliness and hygiene they said was next to Godliness. THE family prayers and the family meals together, were never to be missed, unless of course it was a matter of life and death.

These were the times, when etiquette was given the highest priority.  Speak with your voice lowered, don’t order, request. These were also the times, when we had to learn cursive writing from Copy Writing books called “Vera Copy Writing books”. Every page had a proverb like “LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP’, ‘A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE”, “and BETTER LATE THAN NEVER’ETC.  We not only grew up on these proverbs, but we lived them.

Our teachers were our role models, and they behaved like one. They were exemplary in their teachings as well as their expectations of us. They expected much, and we gave them as much. Our parents and teachers were strict disciplinarians, we feared them, not out of fear, but out of respect.  All this and more that they instilled in us, might sound ridiculous in the present times, but it taught us, that everything we   did mattered.  I have carried that thought into adulthood, and whatever I do, I do it well, And I still live those lessons of life, and try to instill them in whoever is interested in those “little things that matter much”.

Our parents never expected us to bring home that number called “100 percent”, but they expected us to be good human beings.  Today the teachers and parents, expect their children to bring home that number, and nothing more. In the class teachers leave everything to the parents, while the parents give their children a license to do nearly anything, anytime without regard to anyone else, and we call this civilization.  It isn’t.

There was nothing our parents could not make us do, but today, every parent laments “we just can’t get him/her to do, what we want them to do”. Today it is not the parents who are in charge; it’s the children who are in charge. Parents fear them. The children today are prisoners of horrible behavior, which is more emotionally confining, than simple kindly behavior. In reality when parents are not in charge, and have only academic expectations, and nothing else, children suffer.

In the classroom the expectations move from the teachers to the parents. Teachers are supposed to back up parents who are lax in their behavior. But the times have changed, the parents expect the teachers to do their jobs, and the teachers expect the parents to do their jobs. Each one blaming the other, for the lack of interest not only in their jobs, but in the children, who are in their care, at that particular point of time.  Teachers in my times were tough, caring, and intelligent and filled with the spirit of teaching the kids, in their care.  Today I salute my teachers, and my parents, some of whom are no more, because they were the ones who instilled in me, the ethics, moral values and discipline, which has made me what I am today.

It starts at birth in the home, when parents should expect the best from their infants and toddlers. On the contrary most parents say “Oh, he is too little to understand anything”. Children are never little, they are already born with a mind of their own, and all they need is a little discipline to keep them on track.

 By 3^rd and preschool years, a child’s behaviour should be under control. He should have learned the hard lesson, how to obey and listen.  By 5 a child should be able to conduct himself like a gentleman, and turn his listening skills into learning.

Discipline today is as important now as much as it did in my times.  Then, as now, it should be a normal daily matter of attention to detail, and a conversion of manners, which means a gently turning toward the best we can be, from the inside out. Expect great things from your child, demand the world, and he will give it to you.

Expect nothing, and he will give you nothing, and that will be his also.  I was always told, “LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH”.

I taught this to my children, and now to my grandchildren...LITTLE THINGS MATTER MUCH.

BE YOU

Life is not always so simple. Nor is it complicated, but we make it so. However, the experiences of your present life, should be used to prepare yourself for an unknown future. That is exactly what I did.

Sometimes we grow up to be our parents. All parents are good, and they teach us, what their parents had taught them. But as we grow up, we should learn to change our mindset to live in the present times, and not in our parents generation.  My growing up was not what the present generation is enjoying. As the oldest daughter in the family, I had to be a role model for my siblings.  Which meant there were too many 'DONT'S" rather than "DOS". I was not allowed to go and play with other children, because my parents believed that daughters ought to help the mother in the housework.   Preparing the daughters to be good wives and daughter in laws. They should be seen and not heard, so no speaking your mind. They should not be fashionably dressed. I had long lovely hair, which I was not allowed to leave falling like a veil on my back, they had to be tied into a bun or plait.  No talking and playing with boys. It was a very depressing childhood. However, the saving grace was the love of reading.

My father loved reading, and so he imbibed the love of reading in me.  He would get me every kind of books, from classics to novels to autobiographies etc. I devoured these books like a hungry person, thirsting for knowledge.  I lived my life through the books I read. My mother was not so pleased with this preoccupation with books-past time as she would call it.

Time passed, I grew up, situations changed...and life dealt me a blow. Do I give in or do I use the situation to change my own destiny.  Sometimes, situations arise in our lives, and we wonder, "Why Me"..who knows, they might be put there to change you, to mould you, to make you realise, that there is a world out there, waiting for you to discover.  And I definitely, did not want to go along the situations, that were taking place in my life...I wanted to be what I wanted to be...and not what somebody else wanted out of me.  Even if it was my parents or the man I married.

And so,I refrained from being manipulated...made a way for myself...and made a success of my life.

"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."— Mae C. Jemison, first African-American woman astronaut.

I had made up my mind , that my life would be what I wanted it to be.  My life my choice....
Josephine - www.jos-axe-asize@blogspot.com